Ways You Don’t Feel Okay: Symptoms of Grief in Feeling and Thinking

Photographer: Georg Froeschl

In the face of grief, it’s often hard to make sense of how different you feel and what is different in life.  Often people have trouble connecting symptoms of grief with changes in themselves and in how they feel and think.  And that makes sense.  Grief manifests in so many ways.  Everyone will respond differently.  That means it is inherently hard to connect the dots for any given person to what might be their grief being made manifest.

Grief and Feelings

In the early days of loss you may feel shock, disbelief and numbness.  There is a dissociated experience for most people that feels really disconnected, almost like being in a bubble.  Others report everything feeling very clear and even overly real.  Crying  that feels like it may never end and sobbing occur for some while others cry very little or don’t cry at all.  Overtime there are often seemingly random situations that unexpectedly trigger tears and deep sadness.  All of this may leave you feeling ungrounded, out of control, adrift or lost.

In grief there is just so much to feel.  Hence, the experience of mood swings can be really common.  You may feel a wide range of emotions including sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, confusion or helplessness.  Feelings of deep loneliness, emptiness, devastation, vulnerability, betrayal or hopelessness are so very difficult.  Irritability, impatience or intolerance can leave you saying you just don’t feel like yourself.  The emotional demands in grief are significant.  Things that used to roll off your back are now impossible to look past.

The circumstances of a loss can also bring about other unexpected feelings.  Some people feel a sense of relief, freedom, gratitude or spaciousness that may be hard to acknowledge.  It’s even possible and normal for some to have a sense of contentment and peace related to loss.

Grief and Thinking

In general, our brains works very hard to keep from acknowledging the bad things that can happen.  This supports the ability to live life without being paralyzed by fear.   However, when loss happens, often all bets are off.  In this situation, your brain has to reorganize your sense of safety and your beliefs about how the world works.  It’s important to acknowledge your brain is trying to make sense of the unthinkable and that process, while temporary, can be really disruptive.

Given this, in addition to the emotional effects of grief, thinking may also be heavily impacted.  One of the most common impacts of grief is difficultly concentrating,  Often people report not being able to keep their focus, finish tasks, or stay on track. Forgetfulness and difficulty making decisions are also common.  Time may get away or it may be hard to find the words you want to say.  Your sense of time, keeping track of the days and responsibilities may feel really challenged.

Also, what we think about often changes in grief.  Thought patterns that include worry loops and rumination can happen especially related to the loss itself.  Worry about the safety and wellbeing of others you care about or fear about bad things happening may be hard to shake.

Finally, grief also makes it hard to think positively or to be able to think about the future.  It’s important to know that this is normal and will not be a permanent change.  It takes time.  For a while, the brain chemistry you need for optimism, laughter and future planning may just not be available.

You’re Not Crazy

All of these these changes in how you feel and think can be overwhelming and may seem like they don’t make sense.  it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone will experience all of these things and also, this is not a comprehensive list.  Even more importantly, you are not crazy even if changes in feeling and thinking leave you wondering sometimes.  These symptoms can be a confusing part of your experience of grief.  The reassurance made possible by connecting how grief is showing up for you can make all the difference.  Making these connections can help you find what might be most helpful to you in navigating your loss.

To learn more about how grief counseling can help and reach out for a consultation, click the button below.  I look forward to connecting with you.